Visit to Pureora forest March 2014
Recently I spent the weekend with a group in the Pureora Forest
Park. The park is one of the largest intact tracts of native forest in the
North Island of New Zealand, and is recognized as one of the finest rain
forests in the world with an abundance of 1,000 year old podocarp trees. [Wikipedia]
I must admit that originally I was not really that keen to
go, it was a long drive to get there with the potential of a few lousy nights
sleep in shared bunk room accommodation of a fairly basic hut, and with lots of
unknowns pushing the human me well out of its comfort zone. However when I felt
into it, my soul-self made it very clear that she REALLY wanted to go, and as I
have chosen to lead a soul-led life, the human me relented and we went.
On our first trip into the forest, guided by our Tohunga Matiu
Gemmell, we started off visiting the site of a giant Rimu tree, Hine Rakau, said
to have been at least 2500 years old but which came down in recent years under
tragic circumstances. This tree was the Matriarch in this area and it is
believed that when she came down, the knowledge and energy she held was passed
to the nearby younger, but still very significant trees.
As we walked on I noted how still the forest was. There was only
a slight breeze and hardly any bird noise. A little further we stopped at a stand of
magnificent trees, now believed to be the knowledge carriers in this area, and the
group dispersed to spend some quiet time here. I sat at the base of one of the
large trees and breathed and felt into myself and the tree but soon my quiet
contemplation was disrupted by a huge racket of bird noise a little way off. I
tried to focus on my breathing but kept being distracted by the birds. Why were
the birds suddenly so noisy and where was all this noise coming from? The noise
was so distracting it was like they were actually trying to get my attention..
calling me. I looked in the direction of
all the noise and glimpsed a huge tree in the distance that seemed to be the
source of all the bird euphoria. My quiet contemplation disrupted and my
interest piqued, I walked over to the tree and confirmed that it was indeed the
source of all the bird twitter. There were actually two giant Rimu trees
standing close to each other, one larger than the other and, as I sat and
breathed under the larger of the two trees, all the birds slowly disappeared
till the forest was quiet once again. It really was as if they had been there
just to call me over to this tree, and what a tree! The energy of it was
magnificent and resonated deeply with me.
In my quiet contemplation I was considering the balance of
the Masculine and feminine within myself. Throughout most of my life I have
felt myself more balanced towards the masculine than the feminine. I grew up on
a farm, I excelled at Maths and physics and I studied Civil Engineering at
University which meant that I spent a lot of my younger years in the company of
guys, and I found them easier to relate to than women.
In my later years as I walked this journey of self-discovery,
I became aware of this imbalance, and worked on conscious addressing it by
allowing myself to express more of my feminine self, and over time, and with
great joy I released more of my inner Goddess. However a couple of years ago I
started a relationship with Sue which, subconsciously for me, upset the
masculine/ feminine balance in my life. In my previous relationship, my husband
provided a strong masculine presence in my life, leaving me feeling safe to
explore more of my feminine side. However now, in a relationship with a woman,
that balance and safe space had been disturbed and I retreated back to my
masculine side, feeling
the need to be ‘the strong one’ while Sue was still finding her feet in a new
country, and somehow believing this was needed to balance out a relationship
with another woman. But I knew this didn't feel right, I could feel
the imbalance and I missed the more feminine aspects of me.
So I sat with this beautiful tree and asked how I could
readdress this imbalance I felt within, the awareness that washed through me
was that to balance the masculine aspect of ourselves you cannot just express
more of the feminine aspect but you need to go deeper into the masculine itself
and find balance just within the masculine, and same within the feminine separately.
Previously I’d always thought that balancing the masculine and feminine within
was a bit like mixing hot and cold water, if it’s too cold you add more hot
water till the balance feels right and similarly if there was a perceived
imbalance towards the masculine, this could be addressed by allowing more of
the feminine to express itself. And maybe this is still true to some respect,
but I now see that it is not possible to really balance the masculine by
turning your back on it and turning to the feminine. The masculine is an entity
of its own that needs to find balance and acceptance on its own by going deeper
within and finding the love and acceptance of this part of us, and not by
denying it.
The same holds true for finding the balance between the
light and the dark within ourselves. Each part of us must find balance on its
own. You cannot hope to find balance by turning your back on the dark and only
embracing the light. This would be denying and separating yourself from a part
of who you are. Instead you need to go deeper into the dark and find the love
and acceptance within.
Later Aroha, one of the women in our group, said this place is
known as a ‘doorway’, and the two trees, male and female, as the ‘Gates of
Heaven’! Afterwards I also realized that this was of course not a conversation
I was having with the tree but it was my own wisdom that I was able to bring
forth at this time. The tree merely provided the space and support whereby I
could hear my own soul voice more clearly. Since the energy and knowledge of Hine Rakau
is now shared among several trees, I believe there is a different tree there
for everyone now, and it’s just a matter of finding the one that you resonate
with. I certainly found mine.
Whether it was my choice to find a greater balance within or
if it was just spending a couple of days breathing with these magnificent
trees, something has certainly shifted in me and I have been enjoying the most amazing heart opening and shift deeper into self-love
ever since. It was a truly amazing weekend on many levels. Thank you to all
those who were a part of it.
By Natacha Anthoni
